The harder you fall, the higher you fly

Mirrors I have willingly held up for hundreds of people over the last 30 years of my teaching career include: Mama, Big Sister, Mentor, Family. I have also unconsciously done the same thing for people I didn’t even know about, in face and across social media.


We choose the people we need in our lives, whether it is unconsciously or consciously, so we can clear our vessel on our way to internal freedom. The key is, do you have awareness around who you are actively coming into a soul contract with. Are you aware of why this person is in your life, what root it is that is about to be unearthed?


Understand you don’t always know! And for those of you who understand this next piece of language and have sat in sacred space with me before…hello controllers…you don’t always GET to know what is next. And that’s okay!! You are still safe, you are still loved and you are still protected.


I am digging deeper into boundaries from a safety standpoint, bringing in teachings from the sporting community, specifically tumbling and trampoline in this case. You can’t teach a child to do a back tuck until they understand a back roll. There are certain steps that need to be followed to ensure a certain amount of safety for that child. Yes, accidents happen. That is why repetition is necessary.


My kung fu instructor told us it takes a minimum of 2000 repetitions for muscle memory to start to come into mastery of that skill. So, you read a book once…good for you. You’ve stepped onto the path. How much of it have you retained? How much of that book have you integrated and practiced?


Do you know how many furious children I dealt with in the gym…that only wanted to do the fun stuff? That wanted to flip so badly they didn’t care their technique wasn’t flawless? Well, if you want to be in recreation gymnastics that is totally acceptable, this is where most gymnasts are at. As long as you know the skill well enough to be able to get your ass over your head and still land on your feet consistently…have at “er!


Yay, congratulations on learning a new skill!!


You don’t get to throw shade at your gym coach if you go off on your own, throw a back flip on your friend’s backyard trampoline and break your leg. You are completely responsible for your actions in that case. That’s not the teachers fault, as you were taught in the gym, that wasn’t safe. You made the choice to not put in the thousands of reps. Period.


The ones who want to get to a mastery level, put the work in. The thousands of reps, the thousands of hours, the fierce commitment to themselves. Let me repeat that again.


COMMITMENT TO THEMSELVES.


In the beginning, they may want to compete to be “seen”, by whomever they are attached to. But over time, they learn to check their ego at the door and that shifts into self development, as people who choose individual sports, understand you are only competing against yourself when you are at an advanced level.


In the coaching community I was raised in, we always talked about making sure as coaches, our toolboxes were huge. Because every athlete coming in our door learned differently. And in my experience, sometimes didn’t even speak English. I still made a commitment to myself, that I would dig deep enough to find the language that could be interpreted by that soul, so they could succeed. And as I write this, I can see, hear and feel that little 3-year-old soul with his big brown eyes staring up at me and it brings tears to my eyes.


He was one of my greatest teachers to this day. I had him for the first 6 years of his career, taught him the English words he needed to understand how to navigate in my container and he went on to break world degree of difficulty records in his very decorated career as a power tumbler and then went on to Cirque du Soleil to fulfill his own dream…as he was born to fly. As we all are. Our wings just look different, he chose them to look like this…as we are always at choice.


When the day came, that his family chose a different gym as mine had to move locations, we were all devastated. It felt like I was losing my own child, part of my family members were leaving and the grief was real and present. He was with me when I first birthed and opened my gym, so in my mind, he was one of my first gym babies and families. At our first competition months later, his mother told me that he cried himself to sleep every night since the shift. He was not the only one, knowing he was feeling the same way killed me. We don’t get into leadership with the intent to harm. Ever. I carried guilt around his pain for years, but also knew, at that time it was in his best interest.


I was his biggest cheerleader and it had to be from outside support, as he had a new family that was his inner circle of support. My colleague in our community, deserved respect as his new teacher. The years and years it took to check my ego, on not being recognized on the level I wanted to be around his success, was his gift to me.


Such is the cycle of life. Things change, people change. Every single gym, every single head coach chose to run their gyms their own “unique” way. Athletes shifted from gyms to gyms to find the coach that “fit” their needs. In our circle, that was acceptable and as a Province we understood that supporting each other meant our “National Team” will show excellence. In spiritual language that translates to Mastery.


I witnessed and was a part of Alberta becoming way showers in the field of competition. Nobody used to share their “tools”, every club hid their magic. As a Province, we chose to collaborate and support the individual clubs, because Provincials wasn’t the top competition. Great, you won Provincials, good for you. Now what? Where else can you share your magic as a group? Also, by working together, when we got to National training camps, the athletes from other clubs knew you were safe. Knew you had the same teaching background as their coach and they were free to practice their skills and maybe learn a different language for the same skill.


My athletes ALWAYS came home with new stuff from training camps. As we all openly shared our toolboxes with our colleagues babies. We could do this because there was a foundation built on trust and respect, which we worked hard at maintaining. We all know if Mom and Dad are fighting, the kids put up walls and stay in a reactionary state. When everyone comes together and shows a united front, humans thrive and will push themselves when they feel safe.


As I weave my multi languages from high performance sports and spirituality…and unravel the toxicity from both…I am understanding that it isn’t the sports or the spirituality that are toxic. The teachings, for the most part are clear. The toxic part is how we are interpreting them, leaders are interpreting them and integrating them into our lives. Mixing it with our own traumas and upbringings and then projecting our ancestral lines onto the people holding the mirror for us.


I witnessed and participated in the “great shift” in my sporting career from competition to collaboration. From patriarchy to balance. I felt held in that community and to be completely authentic, those humans saved my life. They caught me, threw in the safety mat underneath me time and time again as I fell and kept showing up with love and boundaries, for 2 decades!


We all need training wheels in the beginning and to this day, they might still not know how important they were in my journey as I am still unravelling it all right now as I type. Those men in that community showed me compassion and kindness, love and support when they didn’t have to, when I wasn’t receiving it from my personal inner circle, this is where I found it. And they did it for 20 years. That is commitment, that is what respect looks like.


And guess what happened on a National scale because of this shift back then? Canada, still, to this day are world leaders in this sport. The stats don’t lie…do your research…starting with, Hey Google, when was trampoline first introduced into the Olympics and how was Canada ranked, how do they continue to be ranked? In a more spiritual type language…these souls were pre-wavers…awake…masters in our modality.


It takes a community to raise a child…isn’t that what they say? So how fair is it to put the entire responsibility onto one soul? To project your Mother, your sister, your Aunt, your Father, all onto one person/teacher and expect them to be able to hold it all when none of it is theirs to carry? Of course, they are not going to be able to live up to the expectations and assumptions you are putting on them.


You are setting yourself up for failure if you expect everyone around you to do your work for you.


Get your ass up and get back on the trampoline. IF YOU WANT TO attain mastery...if you want internal freedom. If you would like the “throw in mat”, ask for it. Don’t expect it. Only you can decide how many reps you need before you feel like you can land on your feet consistently…and unfortunately…sometimes you make the wrong choice.


But that is how we learn. And it is okay.


Get back up again. Right now. If you let time go by…you will create amazing stories to stop yourself.


Get up. Right now. Shake it off and do it again.


Cry, scream, do whatever it takes to move the fear out of your body. Right now.


Give yourself permission to make the choice!!!


I cannot tell you how many times I have “thrown in the mat” for someone who didn’t need it…but needed the confidence boost. I cannot tell you how many times they said they had it, I didn’t throw in and they crashed horribly, and it ended their career. I can’t tell you how many times I pushed them to do it their selves and they succeeded, and how many times I said they would be fine on their first try alone and they bailed.


Walking the edge of mastery in anything is terrifying. And sometimes fatal. The first time during a competition, when someone died, was the first time I quit coaching. And it was a national level trampolinist it happened to. One body wabble when you are jumping 25 feet in the air…head to gym floor…floor usually devastates or wins. Even though it was not one of my athletes, it scared me enough to take a break and re-evaluate what I wanted to do moving forward and it took me a couple years to go back.


But I did. Not only did I go back, I built a new club from scratch. Revised trainings, safety protocols including clearer communication and boundaries with my athletes. I challenged the Angel of Death, saying, “nobody is physically dying on my watch”. Which translated into…double the amount of repetitions for each athlete and copious upgrades on every level. You do your homework, and I will do my homework in order to keep you as safe in my gym as humanly possible.


Humanly possible...as I am human.


You will not move forward until I see you can stay on that X in the middle of the trampoline. Show me your consistency. Show me your grace. Show me your ability to control your emotions. Show me your unique style you have created as you did thousands of repetitions of that skill and made it your own.


Great, now jump higher and put 10 skills in a row. Let us get out the stopwatch and time it. Push yourself to jump higher, do the little finger spread that sets you apart, the exceptional toe point that people wonder how the fuck you do that


…WHERE IS YOUR MAGIC IN THE AIR...


...in that tiny space between gravity where you float...


...hang time...


Shit…you fell. Is this a physical fall or an emotional fall...regardless...You are okay…get back up. Do it again. Again. Ooops, you are out of your body. COME HERE.


Look me in the eyes...BREATHE...you got this. You know what you are doing.


Stay focused. Close your eyes and run through your routine again, allow your body to feel each move.


Breathe.


See…you can see it clearly, you can feel it clearly, which means you can do it.


Get backup there and do it again…let’s go. Right now.


We do not have time for tantrums in the gym (life) right now. Period. It is your responsibility to place your energy where it is needed. If you have too much energy in your body, pick a tool to release it. That is not your coaches’ job once you have been given the tools. Take responsibility for your own training, do your reps and come back to the gym refocused and ready to go.


Need a reminder? Go to the star wall…look at the star you created, your ray of light…read your commitment to yourself and your affirmations YOU have chosen as YOUR guidance.


What is your intent. Has that shifted?


Is there anything you need to adjust to what you have written down? No? Great. Get your ass back up on that trampoline then and let’s get to work, so you can fly.


THE HARDER YOU FALL, THE HIGHER YOU FLY.


OH, you need more time to process? Okay, go to the bathroom, have your ugly snot cry, we will see you back here after you are done. Oh, you are back? Great! Want a hug? I am so proud of you and the work that you are doing, I know how damn hard this is and I honor your commitment to yourself love.


Keep showing up…that is what warriors do. Keep showing up.


I am here. Always. Whether you choose to be here or not, I am here. I stay here, in this place, in this container I have created for those who want to share my medicine. My gifts. Which are plenty. And I say that with confidence, not ego. I have worked my ass off; I have failed miserably and in the public eye over and over. I have nothing to hide as I have done my work enough to get me here…to this place.


You can come play in my gym if you like, the door is open for all. But understand, walking through my door means there will be a new framework that has been evolving for 30 years and you aren’t going to walk in and pee on my new tumbling strip and not be expected to clean it up.


This is my gym. My space, that you are being welcomed into with wide open arms. And there are rules put in place to keep everyone safe. Because you are going to pee.


I have physically watched athletes pee in the middle of their tumbling routine, in the middle of a competition in front of hundreds of people. It happens. It’s how you deal with it that matters.


Clean it up and keep going so others don't have to tumble through your pee,


as the event must go on. You have got to do your trampoline routine in half an hour…let’s go. If you want to or feel you need to cry about it, then we will find you a different program that is better suited to your style of learning as we have to move forward now.


And that is okay too…as you get to decide how fast or slow you get your reps in…and it makes no difference to me what program you are in, just that you are in something that is supporting you on your path to self responsibility. Repetitions matter.


That’s the “gold” of being a controller. We lead, we protect, we serve our communities...with our hearts on our sleeve, for your greatest good, to the best of our abilities.


The rules don’t matter if they aren’t agreed upon and that here is the key. You are allowed to disagree and we can have a conversation around your reasons why and I will take them into consideration as my goal is always to provide a safe environment in which students will thrive.


But know, I will always do, to the best of my ability, what is in your best interest.


Just like that little boy, you may not like it. And that is okay. And I may fuck up. But because of my years of experience and practical training, I am confident my percentage is low.


You are allowed to go train elsewhere as you are always at choice and we will celebrate your transition together. I know what I bring to the mat. I know deep in my soul what I was placed on earth to do in this lifetime and I have been spending the last year and a half unravelling the toxic patriarchal ways engrained in my DNA.


Choosing to do my own inner work as well as challenging and taking down the patriarchy as it has shown up externally in my world. That’s what is bringing transformation to myself, my craft and our planet...this revolution of space and time.


Just like sports evolve, so does spirituality and how you perceive it. Are you really being harmed by the community or are you harming yourself. Time to ask the hard questions…

· What addictions in your life need to be addressed in your life, including co-dependence.

· Did you give your power away to someone?

· What aren’t you accepting responsibility for?

· Who are you projecting onto and who are you judging?


And as always, when you choose to collaborate with someone, stand on your own 2 feet, do your research, make sure they are doing their own inner work and ask questions. Take what resonates and leave the rest! No drama. There's always more love to find in all experiences.


Just like in high performance sports, there are few who reach for this goal. So finding souls in these unprecedented times, that can fight through their fears, open their hearts and find their spiritual muscles and work on their endurance, is rare.


So if you have someone in your awareness, that you know is on the same path as you…one of leadership in the new conscious way…align, not attach to them.


They will be part the future World Team. A team based on trust, respect and personal responsibility.


As I start to build this new container, with respect as the main foundational block, I am reminded of a t-shirt our team created one year. “I’m stronger, faster, braver and I train while you sleep”.


Does that make you clench your jaw and your nostrils flair? Good


Light will win. This isn’t an individual call…this is a collective battle call.


“WE ARE STRONGER, FASTER, BRAVER AND WE TRAIN WHILE THEY SLEEP”


Together, in unison, we rise. It’s time to wake up and find your alignment.


You know where to find me, come prepared to work, in love.


BRING YOUR GIFTS, YOU ARE NEEDED.



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