Balance your shit AND your gifts
Over the last couple years of life coaching, I have lovingly coined the phrase
“Sit in your Shit”.
Our circles have focused on diving deep into our onions to unravel all our conscious and unconscious agreements, removing our triggers and coming into wholeness and internal freedom. This last week, it has become clearer to me, that
it’s not just about sitting in your shadows,
it’s about sitting in your gifts as well.
We always talk about running from our fears, our shadows, our work. We create busy lives, use distractions and addictions to keep us from looking inside ourselves. What also is happening, is we are using these same distractions and addictions to keep ourselves from diving into and accepting our gifts!
It’s terrifying to step into your power.
It’s terrifying to own this blinding energy that is trying to emit from your soul basket. How do we manage this? How do we maintain this blinding electricity raging through our bodies? Where are the brake pedals as we are surfing through portals and different dimensions? Where is the instruction manual? Where are the teachers of this medicine and why am I having to navigate this space alone?
I’ve battled my demons…I’ve faced my abusers. I am comfortable in the dark, in the lower worlds navigating and transmuting dark energies for myself and others.
My true terror in this moment, is figuring out how the hell I shape shifted into a Jaguar last year in Teotihuacan. Screaming while I physically felt the claws coming out of my finger tips during a Shamanic breathwork session, and then bawling when I opened my eyes to see only my fingers, knowing that the integration was energetic. Being told I am a master shapeshifter…and then left with no tools…no debrief…abandoned. Then spending this last year feeling like I truly was going crazy.
How in Texas with my Warrior Goddess Facilitator group 2 weeks ago, I physically felt and saw the Phoenix energy rise up my body in the middle of an unrelated exercise with a Warrior Goddess sister and when I opened my eyes bawling and shaking, I told her half of the truth in fear of being dropped, she said “honey, this is a gift…not something to be terrified of”, as she held me fiercely while I cried.
Witnessing the difference of a powerhouse sister, knowing how to hold a container, feeling held and honored through my experience, knowing HeatherAsh was standing right behind me witnessing, I allowed the medicine to sink in…
“It’s okay to experience energy differently!”
It’s okay to not only share your wounds, but to share your gifts as well. Those who get it will be there for you and those it traumatizes will fall away. JUST LIKE WHEN YOU SHARE YOUR WOUNDS. It’s the same.
People are scared to share their wounds and experiences in fear of judgement and abandonment. Through my experience, I am finding that sharing my gifts, experiences/downloads are JUST AS SCARY.
And guess what? It will happen. And it’s okay. I lost several people along my path, that couldn’t handle my story that included physical, sexual and emotional abuse that has had me navigating PTSD symptoms my whole life. I lost several more people when I fell on my head in 2007 and had my whole world flip upside down for several years while I navigated a brain injury and spiritual awakening, including my daughter.
So many times, in our lives, we choose to dull ourselves to make those around us more comfortable. We choose to abandon ourselves instead. Well…I am choosing me. My mantra at the beginning of this year was “Fiercely Me” and I’m owning that shit.
I am choosing to share my “light” experiences as well as my dark. I understand this too will make some uncomfortable, I also understand they may take a backseat, and that’s okay. I will not abandon myself any longer to make others feel more comfortable in their vibration.
My appreciation is never ending to HeatherAsh and our Tribe of powerhouse women, and all of those who have stuck with me through this journey. Being given a powerful container to do my work is all I’ve ever needed and I have found it. It is my hope, that I can carry this energy forward and create the same space in my community for others to grow as profoundly as they would like to as well, with no fear.
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